With the help of bereavement counseling, Dorothy says she got over her anger at Steven. But much is still unresolved. Art work from their mother’s native China remains in storage until tempers cool. “There’s a lot of baggage and ghosts that come out at a time like this,” says Dorothy. “You should be grieving together, but you go back to being the way you were as kids, and you start fighting.”

Family feuds like the Hsiaos’ are breaking out all over. In a recent survey by Scudder Kemper Investments, one in three boomers says there has been conflict in his or her family over inheritance. “I’ve seen families break up over sewing machines,” says Norfolk, Mass., auctioneer Peter Kane, whose mother and aunt fought over their father’s Bible and a chair of little value. “Just as discussing sex was once taboo, boomers now find it difficult to talk to their parents about death,” says Jim Thompson of Scudder Kemper. While money can be neatly divided, household possessions are often doled out with vague wording like “in equal shares as my children shall select.” Estate planners suggest children go through their parents’ home and place sticky notes on the items they want; if there’s a dispute, Mom and Dad are there to settle it. Before Jackie Kosarin died in 1990, she invited her five children to choose pieces of her jewelry and a few of her late husband’s personal belongings. “It was a very peaceful way to deal with a difficult situation,” says Stephanie Kosarin, 47, an Ann Arbor, Mich., ballet teacher who picked her father’s Honor Society pin and three of her mother’s bracelets.

Inheritance battles are not always over cherished mementos. Sometimes a parent’s affection is measured in dollars and cents. When Deborah Russell’s mother died last year, she left no will, but had a $200,000 life-insurance policy she’d taken out 20 years earlier that named only Russell’s younger sisters as beneficiaries. Russell says her sisters reneged on a promise to split the life insurance three ways and gave her just $25,000. (Despite repeated attempts, NEWSWEEK was unable to obtain comment from Russell’s sisters.) “My mother viewed us as three equal children,” says Russell. “It was devastating to hear my sisters say that I was less worthy. Not only have I lost my mother, I feel like I’ve also lost my sisters,” she says, unsure if she’ll be invited to one sister’s upcoming wedding. “And I don’t know how to fix it.” Well, blood feuds like these can be avoided if the battles are fought before Mom and Dad are gone.