Even for a company with a 16-year history of populist promotions, the scheme was inspired. When Ben & Jerry’s cofounder Ben Cohen announced last week that he would retire, the company said it would select a new leader in an open essay contest. Thousands of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough freaks no doubt grabbed a pen, hallucinating, perhaps, a classified ad like the one we concocted above. By Friday, more than 200 letters had already poured in to headquarters in Waterbury, Vt. Maybe they should have saved the organic ink and recycled paper. In the end, insiders concede, the new meisterscooper will likely be cho-sen by an executive-search firm. Employees say they need a combination of Attila the Hun and Mother Teresa. Who do the headhunters themselves think should inherit the cone? We solicited some suggestions:
Herman Smith, Executive Initiatives, Toronto: Paul Newman. He’s got a proven track record with product launches, a good heart and doesn’t need the money.
David Moyer of Moyer, Sherwood Associates, Stamford, Conn.: Dan Quayle. His politics are wrong, but he could develop flavors like Contra Crunch, Single-Motherhood Apple Pie and Ollie North Shreds.
Wesley Poriotis of Wesley, Brown and Bartle, New York: William M. Gaines, the founder of Mad magazine. Even though he died a few years ago, they could prop him up as a figurehead. Or Hazel O’Leary, U.S. secretary of energy. She’s a strong African-American woman who would give new meaning to the term ““meltdown.''
All-American: Barbara Provus of Shepherd Bueschel & Provus, Chicago: Jane Fonda or John Kennedy Jr. She has the right shape, and the right – or rather, left – politics. And she knows how to market the hell out of a product. He is a champion of social causes and as All-American as ice cream itself. Besides, he’d send the company’s stock through the roof; women would buy shares just to get a picture of him every year in the annual report.
John Thomas of Ward Howell International, Chicago: Elizabeth Taylor or the Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia. She’s got visibility, loves causes and is damned smart. He has that spirit of gentleness. And the Dead have made tons of money for more than 25 years, but they’re still customer-oriented.
Dwight Foster of D.E. Foster Partners, New York: Adman Jerry Della Femina (Newsweek’s ad guru). He’s got flair and a little extra poundage to show he eats the stuff himself. That’s the kind of person you want – someone highly creative and ideally drug-free.
